Guilty As Charged.

There are a ton of things so far in my life that I have been accused of. There are so many more than in reality I should be, but no one knows it. I keep it secret, hidden. My weak side. I'm writing this blog to let you know everything I am guilty of, in other words who I truely am.


I am shattered, depressed yet happy, suicidal yet live for life, a little bipolar but completly sane. Very insecure however won't show it unless your close to me, very weak with a supossed tough outer shell, with abandonment issues I stay close to those i love. Very loyal yet I don't trust myself. Try to be honest as much as possible, yet I lie to myself everyday. I want way more in life yet I don't make a move to reach my goal. Take pride in my intellect yet I feel stupid in the worst way ninety percent of the time. Don't let anyone close to me yet wishes someone can break through to me. Don't need anyone, yet want's everyone. Loves hard but distrusts harder. Can't remember my childhood but my heart does. Try to be as calm as possible and even when im not angry i get violent images. Very creative and expressive however my work doesn't ever live up to my own standards. I excel at everything I try most of the time yet i feel like a failure all the time. I tell people I feel whole yet im a shell, empty with nothing filling it. I have to have something to look foward to otherwise there is no reason for me to wake up. I am the same person but everyone has a different opinion and take on who I am. For i don't show all sides to one person and i dont show the same sides to every person.


In other words... I don't know who I am. I don't know what im guilty of. I don't know who is right when they i am a certain way and who is wrong in their assumption.


ONE DAY I WILL GAIN A CONTROL AND FIGURE OUT WHO I AM.